The term \u201cHelicopter Parent\u201d was coined in the late 1960\u2019s by Dr. Haim Ginott, who quoted a student describing his mother, who \u201chovers over me like a helicopter\u2026\u201d \u00a0Although in light use through the late 1990\u2019s, the term\u2019s usage gained momentum in the early 2000\u2019s as a new generation of technology-connected young adults, raised in the safety-and-self-esteem-obsessed everyone-gets-a-trophy 80\u2019s and 90\u2019s, began appearing on college campuses. \u00a0College administrators were aghast that parents were calling their children to wake them up for class, or worse, calling professors and deans to complain about professors, assignments, and grades. \u00a0Clearly the times were changing.<\/p>\n
Much has been written about the erosion of young adult resiliency, and many fingers have been pointed at the trophy-for-participation culture and the Helicopter Parent, but I believe there is a key distinction to be made here. \u00a0There is<\/i> the reactive Blackhawk Helicopter Parent – the one who hovers, guns at the ready, to fend off all unpleasantness, thus eliminating the opportunity for their child to experience challenges and develop resiliency skills. \u00a0It is now a fact that college campuses are having to deal with a new cohort within the student culture, and the trend is creeping both up and down the age continuum. \u00a0These types of Helicopter Parents can now be seen circling everywhere, from pre-school play rooms to corporate job searches (hint – don\u2019t be a part of the 4% of parents who actually attend<\/i> their college graduate\u2019s first job interview!).<\/p>\n
But not all Helicopters are Blackhawks, and with all of this hand wringing about the demise and collapse of our current generation of young people, and all of the fingers being pointed at a tendency to over-parent, it may be time to take a step back and recognize, even congratulate the successes of Helicopter Parents of students with learning differences, autism spectrum traits, and mental health challenges. \u00a0For the most part, these are not<\/i> the much-maligned Blackhawks, but rather News Crews, hovering to keep tabs on their child\u2019s tenuous development, in order to inform the next best possible steps. \u00a0They are Transporters, who shuttle students to and from various support networks, plucking and depositing them deftly around the city. \u00a0And they are Life-Flight crews, who occasionally do<\/i> have to swoop in to perform critical emergency or disaster relief, when their student\u2019s unique challenges call for a level of sophisticated advocacy beyond their years.<\/p>\n
The fact that more and more of these atypical students are even making it to college is a testament to these \u201cHelicopter Parents\u2019\u201d hard work, determination, willingness to fight for their child\u2019s rights, and capacity to overcome personal, familial, community, and institutional resistance, friction, and challenges. \u00a0These parents have had to become experts in accommodating and supporting their children\u2019s anxiety, depression, addiction, autism, ADHD<\/a>, psychopharmacology, Executive Functioning, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, or Social Pragmatics. \u00a0They have had to sit through countless hours of IEP or 504 meetings, teach the teachers special education, find and work with tutors or therapists, and constantly hunt down the next opportunity to help their child grow. \u00a0These are not parents who have hovered needlessly, instead, these are parents whose children have developed because of, not despite, their parent\u2019s continuous involvement and oversight<\/i>. \u00a0These are not just Helicopter Parents, they are Advocates, Educators, and Partners in their children\u2019s development, and they deserve support and appreciation from all of us.<\/p>\n With all the work that it\u2019s taken to get these students through high school, when it comes to their children making real strides towards independence as young adults, these parents are faced with the real challenge of having to hold back on and suppress the (effective and necessary) patterns that eighteen-plus years of hovering have ingrained. \u00a0All that hard work and hands-on attention was for a purpose, but clearing the air space so an adolescent can grow UP into an independent young adult takes even more courage, skill, and support for their parents than did all the years of necessary circling. \u00a0Letting go of those tendencies also means learning new skills, and techniques, to practice, perfect and lean on if and when challenges arise.<\/p>\n At Mansfield Hall, we work closely with parents and families in order to help navigate this sometimes tumultuous and turbulent transition from parenting an adolescent to parenting a young adult. \u00a0Mansfield Hall staff are able to serve in loco parentis <\/i>as families are given the opportunity to step back a bit, and let their student experience increased, but supported, independence at the college level. \u00a0In addition to partnering with families and students to structure the transition, Mansfield Hall provides families with regular updates as to their student\u2019s progress, as well as partners with parents to negotiate all types of developmentally appropriate transitions, from cell-phone and computer usage, to free-time allocation and activities, to weekly allowances. \u00a0In addition to the network of support within Mansfield Hall, we also provide families access to Parent Coach Professionals<\/a>, a third-party relationship which allows parents to get their own coaching and support, independent of Mansfield Hall, in order to help ease and structure the transition.<\/p>\n Madeline Levine, psychologist and author of The Price of Privilege<\/i><\/a>, <\/i>says that there are three ways we might be overparenting or accidently causing harm:<\/p>\n At Mansfield Hall we work to empower our students to learn and practice things they can do for themselves, and to practice resiliency and advocacy skills by trying new things they can almost do for themselves. \u00a0Our student-centered coaching and goal setting Student Led Plans also allow for students to express their own motivations, hopes, and dreams, and family communication and Parent Coaching all helps to clear the air space, so that our students can grow UP.<\/p>\n If you\u2019d like to learn more about Mansfield Hall, Parent Coach Professionals, or any of our supports and services, please find us online at www.mansfieldhall.org<\/a>, contact us at info@mansfieldhall.org<\/a>, or call us at 877-205-3785.<\/p>\n\n